According to an INSEE study, 6 out of 10 men are older than their spouses, but only 8% of couples are more than 10 years apart in age. There has been a change in recent years: the average age gap seems to be widening. How do these couples that almost a generation oppose live? Is it possible to live a balanced relationship when the two partners are not at the same time in their lives?
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Maxence is 42 years old and his partner, Louisa, is 27. They are in a relationship with for 4 years: “As soon as I met her, I knew that it was the good one. I took advantage of life before her and I was beginning to tell myself that I wanted to settle down. I didn’t wonder if his age could be a problem even if I typed the reflections of my friends. In private, we never talked about it with Louisa. The problems started when it was necessary to formalize.
Louisa’s family does not see it in a good light age difference that there is between her and her companion: “No matter how well I justified myself with the best intentions, they only saw in me an immature guy who seeks to be with a younger woman. I think it would have gone better if I had proven that I knew how to ask myself before, but since I had not bought an apartment, that I had not married or that I had not had a as a child, I just passed for a big kid. Louisa’s father was adamant he refused to acknowledge our story.”
Painful family estrangement
Louisa, who is very close to his fathersuffers from it: “She had a very bad experience of the estrangement from her family that our story involved. But she never questioned it. For her, it was up to them to make the effort. were not as vehement as the father, but followed out of conformity and fear of being next on the list. This reign of terror did not please Louisa at all and she ended up not seeing many people. Fortunately we has a lot of friends and my family accepted her very well. But I know that she could not have had a child under these conditions.”
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Louisa’s father died a year ago: “I’m sorry it wasn’t settled while he was alive, but he always refused to talk to her or me about it. In a few years, she didn’t. saw only a handful of times and when he got sick, he didn’t try to fix things either. I think he thought his illness was going to make Louisa decide to leave me. She chose to stay with me. me. I want to say that I never participated in this psychological warfare and that I always gave Louisa the choice to leave me to find her family. I would have understood that she would do it.”
Apologies and Forgiveness
After the death of the patriarch, Louisa finds her family: “The brothers and sisters and the cousins-cousins started to come to see us. Some apologized, others did not. Louisa forgave everyone. regret that his father has not changed his mind and realized that we can’t change people the way it suits us. His father made a choice and we have to respect it.”
The lovers plan to enlarge the family: “We talk more and more about having a baby. I’ve never wanted to before but with Louisa I tell myself that it can only be good. It obviously raises the question of what kind of family we want to be, and the examples we had in our respective families. With what happened and the pain it caused in the woman I love, I know I don’t would not be a father like his father. I am ready to accept that I can make mistakes and that my children will make their mistakes too. Anything rather than turning my back on those I love. We will be a united family and we will respect the love of our children. It’s also proof that we love them, I think. We’ll be there for them. I know that when I talk about it, I seem to imagine myself right away head of a large family and that may be what will happen. With Louisa, I want everything and all the love possible. We have been through a hell of a ordeal and we have been stronger. Now, he It’s time to focus on the positive.”